Ancestry Adventure part 2

This is the continuation of my experience with

While I waited (and waited and waited) for my box to come, I was forced to confront certain legitimate fears of my DNA being forever held in a database:


“This is the story of the next decade: companies that started out amassing huge databases of compromising information will be targeted: first by cops and spies (hi there, OPM!), then by civil litigants (something like 80% of all divorce cases now involve a subpoena to Facebook), then by criminals (hello, Ashley Madison!)”

While Ashley Madison’s target users are a bit different than users (hellooo senior citizens!), I don’t see my information being at risk or being blackmail-or-whatever-able (unless I find out I’m related to Hitler, Ted Cruz, or some other asshole I’d rather pretend I wasn’t).

While I’m already pretty much “on the cop grid” to begin with (my fingerprints were taken just so that I could APPLY for a job at a grade school which kind of hacked me off because 1. I felt like a criminal and 2. why fingerprints? — rant for another time), I still don’t see much point in protecting this part of my privacy. I want answers; this is the next best thing to them.

Is there some drug test-like anxiety people have, thinking that it will expose more than their ancestry and more so their life habits? Because then, yeah, I could see how it would feel like an invasion of privacy.

The LEAST dystopian fear I can read into this is white people not wanting to find black relatives because their ancestors were slave holders or some other Ben Affleck-ian thought. All other fears I can see hitting the fan in a few more futuristic years. Not going to worry about that now.


To the spit kit!


Fit in my mailbox perfectly.


Pandora opens the DNA box.


I spit in this thing.

Inside was a little mailer (that I found *almost* hard to get the spit tube safely into. But don’t worry! The spit fit. But at an angle, though). I dropped it in the mail box, activated the code online, and will now have to wait 6-8 weeks for results.


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